Santa Hates the 99%


Uh, just wondering, with all this holiday “cheer” going on, why Santa doesn’t go to favellas in Brazil and kinda steers clear of Uganda and Ivory Coast and sort of avoids kids in Eritrea, Darfur and Somalia. 

I don’t know, am I crazy? All this celebrating Jesus doesn’t seem to bring reindeer to kids who might like to see them or any kind of presents, not even a glass of clean water. There was a sighting of a Santa in Zimbabwe but Mugabe thugs had him beaten up along with the reindeer. Rudolf got a red nose—a bloody one, and the rest were poached by American members of Safari Club International.

I think if Santa, or worse, Mrs Santa, tried to come down a chimney in Cairo, she might get stomped on and raped. If the little green elves decided to sashay into Saana, they might be executed for seeming gay. Hmm…come to think of it, elves better stay clear of Lagos too, with the new legislation that makes boys in green tights subject to a firing squad.

Christmas is just a really weird human holiday to me. Being a former death row dog gives me a different yuletide perspective. MILLIONS of dogs are locked up in puppy mills right now while their pups are loaded onto trucks for the long trip to a creepy dog dealer in a mall. 
Deck the trucks with pups and holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la. 
Puppy Mills are not so jolly. Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Millions of other dogs and cats are going to be killed at the pound because people won’t come to adopt them in time for Christmas. And I don’t even want to count all the ducks and pigs who are getting the worst Xmas of all— getting carved up and served on a plate. Ew. 

It turns out that even people who seem to have everything are lonely enough to kill themselves on Christmas more than any other day. 

I sure wish everyone would do something nice for somebody this  Christmas and not depend on that fat elitist bastard who is posing as some kind of philanthropist in a red suit. Santa. What a phony. 

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